by Sarah Chevallier
Title: Holden Caulfield years: 19 profession: Jobs were for phonies whom care about fake stuff like bills and food About Holden: best in search of relaxed relationships, because everyones a phony excepting myself (clearly). Sidebar, Im not completely certain phony implies the things I think it means.
Identify: Heathcliff Get Older: Practically no clue. Occupation: Mergers (using my foes families) also acquisitions (of their wealth and happiness). About Heathcliff: invested quite a few years cultivating that #RevengeBody in addition to #RevengeWealth, but now Im finding a nice, gullible girl to be in down with female escort Broken Arrow OK, ideally one who only happens to be about my opponent, which additionally just is married to my personal youth buddy. You realize, for typical, totally not nefarious causes.
Maybe not currently within my loft becoming restrained with a real golf ball and cycle.
Name: Odysseus years: 38 Occupation: master of Ithaca who’s 100percent without a midlife crisis About Odysseus: Im everything about that wanderlust lifetime: it is in regards to the quest, not the resort, you are aware? Specially when the destination is full of responsibilities like governance, parenthood, and marriage to a woman that is clearly wiser than myself as she evades for sale like sexual chattel for a decade while we doof around banging random witches and blinding one-eyed leaders. Join myself regarding the journey, kids.
Label: Edward Rochester Get Older: 43 Job: Affluent widower. Yep, the old ball and string is dead. Sincere lifeless. Not currently in my own loft being controlled with an actual baseball and string. About Edward: looking a younger woman who’ll mistake my personal brooding looks and condescending misanthropy for tragic torment, and if at all possible try into employer-employee roleplay. Extra if she likes young ones but not enough that shes put-off by exactly how mean I am to my used child.
Name: winner Frankenstein get older: 34 profession: Doctor, scientist About Victor: searching for somebody exactly who shares my passion for the secrets of lifestyle but could be upwards for a persistent hunt to fully capture and eliminate my outdated roommate from my personal period at the University of Ingolstadt. Feeling of adventure is vital, because we allow for any North Pole next week.
Identity: Jay Gatsby get older: How old do you want me to end up being lol profession: Influencer, Renaissance people About Jay: Im weirdly just like him/her, but like a wonderfully rich and mysterious type of him that you’d have never dumped with no GODDAMN EXPLANATION to begin with, Daisy.
List: Rodion Raskolnikov era: 21 career: beginner, Extraordinary Man whom theoretically it would be entirely ok if he just killed an old girl, because What i’m saying is, hes extraordinary, but you understand, only theoretically kindly dont phone call which means that policeman who keeps snooping around. About Rodion: Im just a better-than-regular chap trying to find an almost angelically close girl with a tragic tale who’ll with no justification dedicate herself to my personal redemption and is really into experiencing myself reciting my half-baked strategy 101 theories.
Label: Jake Barnes get older: 31 job: Expat, alcoholic About Jake: ultra manly. Seriously, certainly, not at all impotent. Really into fishing and obsessing on top of the intimate and intimate selections of a lady that is entirely only a friend (however see, not an equal whos able to make her very own choices, on account of that damn ladybrain). Most importantly: maybe not Jewish.
Identify: Hamlet era: 26 career: Future King of Denmark About Hamlet: parents are anything if you ask me. As in, we wont sleep until we split my children, company, and maybe actually my personal country apart according to a discussion I’d with my dads ghost regarding how it’s SO GROSS that mother and Uncle C are performing they, in which he concurred that its entirely normal that Im so fixated on my mothers sexual life. My personal last girlfriend gotnt that understanding, thus Im trying to find someone that will support me personally in this tough time and wont have actually a fucking cow anytime we stab the woman father and verbally neglect their.
Label: Lucifer Age: perhaps not Applicable job: Ex-angel, Freelance opponent of Jesus along with his manufacturing About Lucifer: I really designed online dating sites, very this is Hell.